The TOM Award
(Taking Ones self Mirthfully)
Pres. George Bush
is the most recent recipient,
click on the award to see why.
Ick-a-book of the Month
"Every Day For Every Man"
by Stephen Arterburn
Scallops Spotlight on...Body Theives! You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-marketorgan thieves.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night afew years ago. I went to sleep and woke up withsomeone else's thighs. It was just that quick. Thereplacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal.Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?
I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself toliving out my life in jeans. And then the thievesstruck again.
My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang,because they took pains to match my new rear-endto the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Butmy new butt was attached at least three incheslower than my original! I realized I'd have togive up my jean s in favor of long skirts.
Two years ago I realized my arms had beenswitched. One morning I was fixing my hair and washorrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swingto and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. Thiswas really getting scary - my body was beingreplaced one section at a time. What could they doto me next?
When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and wasreplaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell mystory. Women of the world, wake up and smell thecoffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REALreplacement body parts -stolen from you and me!The next time someone you know has something'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?
THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to womeneverywhere every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P. S. Last year I thought someone had stolen myBoobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! Butwhen I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to seethat they had just been hiding in my armpits as Islept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband
Where to send soccer stuff to soldiers in Iraq:
WSU College Republicans
Ad Annex 107
P.O. Box 644107
Washington State University
Pullman, WA 99164-4107
wsucr@hotmail.com
Mike Karney's 44 Kid Camp
Sat. June 28th 9-4
Kent-Meridian High School
www.44Karney.com
call 253-653-7972 to register
or email karneys44kidscamp@gmail.com
Our Redneck Rabbi, Rabbi Daniel Lappin
gives us weekly financial advise Mondays at 9:10
His website is www.youneedarabbi.com
Operation: Perk Up The Troops
Contact Bernice for information and donations
secrurityfinancial@hotmail.com
360-340-4779
Click here to see Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick
of Mt. Vernon get punked!
BODY DRAMA written by Nancy Redd
for women.. all about women's bodies!
"The Sacred Romance" by John Eldredge
talks about us all having two guardian angels.
Going to the BIG GAME in the Desert!!!!
Spc William Sheppard
nominated by Sgt Joshua Hoffman
(Tickets to the game were donated by Craig Olson CEO of
Washington Energy Services)
Andy Andrews, author, speaker, comedian
Smile when you talk it will make you feel better. www.andyandrewseverett.com
If you haven't decided who to vote for,
this could help...
Click here for Match-O-Matic
Local Yokel Vocal Contest Winner
Randy Laukala
"The Great Northwest"
(to listen to audio return to AUDIO page)
Rabbi Daniel Lapin author of "Thou Shall Prosper"
talks about tithing and saving. www.rabbidaniellapin.com
Michelle Bernard
Independent Woman's Forum
( her take on the elections) www.iwf.org
Tim Hawkins
sings "Cletus Take the Reel" and "Home School Family" www.timhawkins.net (you can hear him on Cola's VIDEO of the Day)
THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT
OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building hishouse and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable homewith a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper' s sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failingto hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left topay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel offederal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happensto be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
THE HUSBAND STORE
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item fro m a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.
